Reprinted by Request: 13 Things Every Net User Should Know
Originally posted to wibc.com on 04/11/2011
1. Bill Gates is not giving you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation, no one is giving away cases of free M & M’s, the GAP is not giving away clothing.
There is no baby food company issuing class-action checks. MTV will not give you backstage passes if you forward something to the most people. You can relax; there is no need to pass it on “just in case it’s true.” Furthermore, just because someone said in the message, four generations back, that “we checked it out and it’s legit,” does not actually make it true.
2. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to their cousin. If you are hell-bent on believing the kidney-theft ring stories, please see: http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm
And I quote: “The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued requests for actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell their stories. None have.”That’s “none ” as in “zero.” Not even your friend’s cousin.
3. Neiman Marcus doesn’t really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if they do, we all have it. And even if you don’t, you can get a copy at:
Then, if you make the recipe and decide the cookies is that awesome, feel free to pass the formula on.
4. We all know all 500 ways to drive your roommates crazy, irritate co-workers, gross out bathroom stall neighbors and creep out people on an elevator. We also know exactly how many engineers, college students, Usenet posters and people from each and every world ethnicity it takes to change a light bulb.
5. If the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this information would reach the public via an AOL chain-letter?
6. There is no “Good Times” virus. In fact, you should never, ever, ever forward any email containing any virus warning unless you first confirm it at an actual site of an actual company that actually deals with viruses.
7. If your CC: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your message, move it to BCC:!!!!!
8. If you’re using Outlook, I.E., or Netscape to write email, turn off the “HTML encoding.” Those of us on UNIX shells can’t read it, and don’t care enough to save the attachment and then view it with a web browser, since you’re probably forwarding us a copy of the Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe anyway.
9. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message showing everyone else who’s received it over the last 6 months, it sure wouldn’t hurt to get rid of all the “” (or the <) that begin each line. Besides, if it has gone around that many times – we’ve probably already seen it. But PLEASE LEARN HOW TO COPY AND PASTE!!!!!
10. Craig Shergold (or Sherwood, or Sherman, etc.) in England is not dying of cancer or anything else at this time and would like everyone to stop sending him their business cards. He apparently is also no longer a “little boy” either.
11. The “Make a Wish” foundation is a real organization doing fine work, but they have had to establish a special toll free hotline in response to the large number of Internet hoaxes using their good name and reputation. It is distracting them from the important work they do.
12. If you are one of those insufferable idiots who forwards anything that promises “something bad will happen if you don’t,” then something bad will happen to you if I ever meet you in a dark alley!
13. Women really are suffering in Afghanistan, and PBS and NEA funding are still vulnerable to attack (although not at the present time) but forwarding an email won’t help either cause in the least. If you want to help, contact your local legislative representative, or get in touch with Amnesty International or the Red Cross. As a general rule, email “signatures” are easily faked and mean NOTHING to anyone with any power to do anything about whatever the petition is complaining about!!!
If you really care, and you’re not just trying to make yourself feel better when your server is down at work, then get outdoors and start a REAL petition.
(PS – There is no bill pending before Congress that will allow long distance companies to charge you for long distance when using the Internet, nor for the Post Office to “tax ” e-mails.)
Bottom Line … composing e-mail or posting something on the Net is as easy as writing on the walls of a public restroom. Don’t automatically believe it unless it’s proven true… ASSUME it’s false, unless there is proof that it’s true. Get it? Got it? Good!