Funny Computer Quotes

by techtiptom

Originally posted on on 02/09/2011

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.  ~Doug Larson

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees.  That’ll do them in.  ~Author Unknown

The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back.  ~Author Unknown

Never let a computer know you’re in a hurry.  ~Author Unknown

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.  ~Farmer’s Almanac, 1978

Treat your password like your toothbrush.  Don’t let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.  ~Clifford Stoll

User, n.  The word computer professionals use when they mean “idiot.”  ~Dave Barry

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.  ~Edsger W. Dijkstra

After growing wildly for years, the field of computing appears to be reaching its infancy.  ~John Pierce

Hardware:  where the people in your company’s software section will tell you the problem is.  Software:  where the people in your company’s hardware section will tell you the problem is.  ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top

But they are useless.  They can only give you answers.  ~Pablo Picasso, about computers

Computers have lots of memory but no imagination.  ~Author Unknown

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
~Suzie Wagner, 1998

As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke.  It’s just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.  ~Scott Adams (“Dogbert”)

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.  ~Mitch Ratcliffe

Back up my hard drive?  How do I put it in reverse?  ~Author Unknown

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.  ~Andy Rooney

Don’t anthropomorphize computers – they hate it.  ~Author Unknown

Hardware:  the parts of a computer that can be kicked.  ~Jeff Pesis

I haven’t lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere.  ~Author Unknown

I just wish my mouth had a backspace key.  ~Author Unknown

Spreadsheet:  a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat “what if?” questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.  ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top

A picture is worth a thousand words but it takes 3,000 times the disk space.  ~Author Unknown

In God we trust, all others we virus scan.  ~Author Unknown

It’s not computer literacy that we should be working on, but sort of human-literacy.  Computers have to become human-literate.  ~Nicholas P. Negroponte

Rebooting is a wonder drug – it fixes almost everything.  ~Garrett Hazel, “Help Desk Blues,” 2002

Jesus saves!  The rest of us better make backups.  ~Author Unknown

Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all.  ~John F. Kennedy

RAM disk is not an installation procedure.  ~Author Unknown

The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.  ~Author Unknown

The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there’s no law against whacking them around a little.  ~Eric Porterfield

The question of whether computers can think is just like the question of whether submarines can swim.  ~Edsger W. Dijkstra

The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.  ~Sydney J. Harris

There are 10 types of people in this world:  those who understand binary and those who don’t.  ~Author Unknown

There are three kinds of death in this world.  There’s heart death, there’s brain death, and there’s being off the network.  ~Guy Almes

There are two major products that came out of Berkeley:  LSD and UNIX.  We do not believe this to be a coincidence.  ~Jeremy S. Anderson

Home is where you hang your @.  ~Author Unknown

I wish life had an Undo function.  ~Author Unknown

In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it.  ~Author Unknown

In the old days, people robbed stagecoaches and knocked off armored trucks.  Now they’re knocking off servers.  ~Richard Power

Unix was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that would also stop you from doing clever things.  ~Doug Gwyn

Unix is simple.  It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.  ~Dennis Ritchie

Unix never says “please.”  ~Rob Pike

The Unix philosophy basically involves giving you just enough rope to hang yourself.  And then a couple of feet more, just to be sure.  ~Author Unknown