Funny Computer Quotes

by techtiptom

Originally posted on on 11/17/2009:

There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer.
J.H. Goldfuss

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That’ll do them in.

Never let a computer know you’re in a hurry.

Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.
Dave Barry

Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.
Dave Barry

But they are useless. They can only give you answers.
Pablo Picasso, talking about computers.

If you don’t want to be replaced by a computer, don’t act like one.
Arno Penzias

The effort of using machines to mimic the human mind has always struck me as rather silly. I would rather use them to mimic something better.
Edsger Dijkstra

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That’s where we come in; we’re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Nathaniel Borenstein

In a way, staring into a computer screen is like staring into an eclipse. It’s brilliant and you don’t realize the damage until its too late.
Bruce Sterling

If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
Robert Cringely

Man is a slow, sloppy and brilliant thinker; the machine is fast, accurate and stupid.
William Kelly

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Emo Philips

If you don’t know how to do something, you don’t know how to do it with a computer.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Mitch Ratcliffe

Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind.
Donald Knuth

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Janet Reno

To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Robert Orben

Software and cathedrals are much the same – first we build them, then we pray.

I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We’ve created life in our own image.
Stephen Hawking

Unless in communicating with it one says exactly what one means, trouble is bound to result.
Alan Turing, talking about computers.

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it’s done.
Scott Adams

There are two major products that came out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We do not believe this to be a coincidence.
Jeremy S. Anderson

First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII – and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we’ve realized it’s a brochure.
Douglas Adams

It’s hardware that makes a machine fast. It’s software that makes a fast machine slow.
Craig Bruce

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Wernher von Braun

Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Michael Sinz

Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software.

Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
Joseph Campbell

The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.
Sydney J. Harris

After growing wildly for years, the field of computing appears to be reaching its infancy.
John Pierce

The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before.
Bill Gates