Definitions By Mom
Originally posted on WIBC.com on 10/16/2009:
Got this in an e-mail, had to share!!
Definitions By Mom:
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-year-old to eat
APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade
BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom’s youngest child,
even if he’s 42.
BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all
except Mom to be self-cleaning.
BECAUSE: Mom’s reason for having kids do things which can’t be
BED & BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for
CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always
winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who
have had the most sugar.
COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the
kids eat dinner.
DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying
about the kids in a different setting.
DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.
DUST RAGS: See “DAD’S UNDERWEAR.”
EAR: A place where kids store dirt.
ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of
until asked to do something.
EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom,
can be “put out” by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly
handled butter knife.
FOOD: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question,
“What’s for dinner tonight?” See “SARCASM”
GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom’s kids.
HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but
not containing, dirty clothing.
HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirtsleeves, drapes, etc.
HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.
ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic
tray if kids or husbands ever filled the things instead of
putting them back in the freezer empty.
JEANS: Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about
any occasion, including church and funerals.
JUNK: Dad’s stuff.
KISS: Mom medicine.
LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys
powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table,
chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six
minutes and net a profit of 15 cents.
OCEAN: What the bathroom floor looks like after bath night for
kids, assorted pets, two or three full-sized towels and several
dozen toy boats, cars and animals.
OPEN: The position of children’s mouths when they eat in front
OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom’s nickname for Dad.